PRAYER AGAINST barrenness, miscarriage, premature death, abnomarlities and harm

1.     Father, in the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I bind and forbid every aspect of BARRENNESS in my life, marriage, family, ministry and work. I refuse every inability to conceive of anything that you want birthed and nurtured through me; spiritually and naturally. It is defeated in Jesus’ Name. The Lord loves me and has blessed me. He has multiplied me in every good way. He has blessed the fruit of my womb. He has exalted me above all the peoples of the earth and neither me nor anyone or anything that is concerned with me is barren. There is no barrenness even among our livestock [work and produce]. We are productive in Jesus’ Name.  [Deuteronomy 7:13a & 14]

      In the Name of Jesus Christ, I conceive in the womb of my spirit, my soul and even naturally and bring forth all the blessings and purposes of God in my life. The Holy Spirit has come upon me and has overshadowed me. I receive, conceive and birth out every aspect of the will of God in my life. Where I was called barren, I am now called fruitful, for nothing is impossible with God. [Luke 1: 31, 35 and 36]

2.      In Jesus’ Name, I come against every aspect of MISCARRIAGE AND ABORTION in my life, marriage, family, ministry and work. I carry to full term, every blessing, idea, concept and revelation that God has for me. I am removed from trouble, rebuke, and blasphemy, because when it comes to birthing and manifesting it all, I have sufficient spiritual and natural strength and resources and I bring forth everything that God has helped me to conceive in my spirit, in my soul and even naturally. Nothing is aborted and nothing is miscarried. [Isaiah 37:3]

3.      In Jesus’ Name I refuse every aspect of PREMATURE DEATH in my life, marriage, family, ministry and work. Every blessing that is born of God into my life is nurtured and raised into maturity, even to multiply and increase. The Lord loves me and has blessed me. He has multiplied me in every good way. He has blessed the fruit of my womb and the fruit of my land, my grain and my new wine, my oil, the increase of my cattle and the increase of my flock. I am fruitful and productive. [Deuteronomy 7:13]

In Jesus’ Name, I decree that I honour my parents and my God given authorities, mentors and guardians. Therefore It is well with me and all that concerns me and I live a long and fruitful life in the land that the Lord my God has given to me. I will live and not die and declare and manifest the works of God in this land of the living. Every purpose of satan to kill, steal and destroy in my life, marriage, family, ministry and work is defeated and nullified in Jesus’ Name.  Because Christ has come into my life, I have life and life more abundantly. [Ephesians 6:2 &3, Psalm 118:17, John 10:10, ]

Just like Christ did, in the days of His flesh, I offer up this prayer and supplication to You o God, who is able save me and all that concerns me from premature death. Thank you that you have heard me because I love and fear you. Thank you that you preserve me and all that which concerns me. With long life, You satisfy me and continually show me Your salvation [Hebrews 5:7, Psalm 91:16]

4.      In Jesus’ Name, I forbid all aspects of ABNORMALITY, INFIRMITY, DISORDER AND DEFECTS in my life, marriage, family, ministry and work. I forbid all of satan’s work, desires and plans to corrupt, warp, mess up or destroy my blessings and relationships. I speak the peace and fullness of God to all the God ordained blessings and relationships in my life. I decree that they are whole with nothing missing, nothing broken and nothing stolen. Grace and peace is multiplied into every area of my life, through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. The blessing of God causes increase into all these areas of my life, with no sorrow added. [Proverbs 10:22, 2^nd Peter 1:2]

5.      In the Name of Jesus Christ I resist and forbid every aspect of HARM AND INJURY planned against every area of my life, marriage, family, ministry and work. No weapon formed against us shall prosper and every tongue that rises against us, we condemn. This is our heritage as servants of the Lord and our righteousness is of God [Isaiah 54:17]

We dwell in the secret place of the Most High. We abide under the shadow of the almighty. We say of You Lord, “Your are our refuge and our strength. Our God in you we trust”. Therefore every blessing, protection and promise of Psalm 91 is ours in Jesus’ Name. [Psalm 91]

The angel of the Lord encamps around us all who fear him and all that which concerns us, and delivers us. God is a wall of fire around us and our glory in our midst.  He is our refuge and our strength, our very present help in times of trouble.  God is our rock in whom we take refuge. Our shield and the horn of our salvation. Our stronghold, our refuge and saviour. He saves us from violence. We call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised, so are we saved from all our enemies. [Psalm 34: 7, Zechariah 2:5, Psalms 46:1, 2^nd Samuel 22:3&4]

We fear not because God is with us. We are never dismayed because He is our God. He has strengthened and helped us. He upholds us constantly with his righteous right hand. The Lord keeps us from all evil. He keeps our lives. The Lord watches over our going out and our coming in, from this time forth and forever more. The Lord continually rescues us from every evil deed and brings us safely into His heavenly Kingdom in the fullness of our time on earth, according to His perfect plan. To Him be glory forever and ever. Amen. [Isaiah 41:10, Psalm 121:7-8, 2Timothy 4:18]

PRAYING INTO THE NEW YEAR: Prayer for complete recovery, better replacement and seven fold restoration

Each prayer is based on scripture. Speak it over every aspect of your life that the Holy Spirit will bring to your mind. It could be your health, your marriage, a relationship, money, wasted years, a ministry, a child....

Father, in the Name of Jesus Christ, I declare that, as I spend time with You and by Your leading, I pursue the aspects of your will and blessings for my life that I have lost or that have been stolen from me. I decree that without fail I recover all. I am confident in Your leading and Your word and I go after everything that you lead me to go after. Everything that was taken from me or that I lost due to my own blunders, failures, blindness, disobedience, mistakes or lack of wisdom. Without fear or failure, as I pursue by Your leading, I get it all back. Because of Your help, I lose nothing, I miss nothing and I completely recover all. [1st Samuel 30:8] 

In Jesus’ Name I decree that according to the written promise of God’s Word,  that cannot be altered, the blessings and people that have completely gone from my life are replaced by that which is better. Just like Vashti replaced Esther, just like Christ replaced Adam, just like David replaced Saul, the replacements that happen in my life are better than what I originally had. I am thus better off from now on, than I was before. My life, my ministry, my marriage, my home, my work is better off from now on because of the better replacements of God. [Esther 1:9, 1^st Samuel 15:28, 1^st Corinthians 15:22 & 45]

I declare that satan restores and pays back, seven times, everything that he has stolen from my life. By the authority of God's Word, I call every area of my life restored seven fold. All that was lost is found; everything that was stolen is returned; everything that has been damaged is repaired. Because of this covenant promise and because of God's love for me, there is therefore no deficit in my life. Instead there is overflow. [Proverbs 6:30]

I declare that by God’s grace, I will not relent and I will continue to decree this complete recovery, better replacement and seven fold restoration into every area of my life as you lead me, until the situations are completely resolved.  


In the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ, Amen.

PRAY CHRISTIAN, PRAY!

From later on today, I will be posting daily prayers to help you speak the Word of God over your life, your loved ones and all that concerns you, as we end the year and begin the new year. They will help you to build momentum, to speak into your future and to send the Word of God ahead of you. But before I do that, let me share scriptures that will motivate you and show you why you need to pray in the first place. Even I often go back to these scriptures [there are many more] when I don't feel like praying, to remind myself of the importance and purpose of prayer.

I pray you will take this journey with us and take charge of your life through prayer. May the final days of this year and 2014 be the most amazing year in your life so far! Don't passively sit and wait for things to happen. By the power of the Word and the Spirit of God inside of you, make them happen!

WHY PRAY?

Ask & it shall be given to you. [Mt 7:7] - You can need, you can desire, you can dream but spiritual law dictates that there are things that will not be given until you ask.

Pray in your room and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly. [Mt 6:6] - There are open rewards you will never get until you get involved in secret petition before God.

Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up. [ Jas 4:10] Prayer is humbling yourself before God. Thanking Him, acknowledging Him and depending on Him. If you want to be lifted up, humble yourself in prayer.


...The worlds were framed by the Word of God. [Heb 11:3] - By speaking God's Word, you frame: shape, mould, form and define your world. Otherwise, it is left up to happenstance and you have no control.

A man's stomach shall be satisfied by the fruit of his mouth. [Pr 18:20] - Even your ability to provide and feed yourself and your household needs the support of your prayers of faith. It is God who gives the power to get wealth [Deut 8:18]

For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be removed and be cast into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says. [Mr 11:23] - Stop talking about the mountain, singing about the mountain and listening to the mountain speak to you: Speak to the mountain!! Mountains [problems, obstacles and barriers] move when you speak the Word of God to them. Otherwise they are formidable and will keep you from achieving destiny. Begin speaking to those challenging situations and breaking those negative cycles in your life through praying the Word of God

The earth was formless and void....and God said LIGHT BE! [Gen 1:2&3] - When God was faced with chaos and darkness, He spoke light and it was! Be like your Father. By the Word of God, speak out what you want into your life until light comes. You are not a helpless victim.

Bless the LORD, you His angels, Who excel in strength, who do His word, Heeding the voice of His word. [Ps 103:20] Angels don't respond to emotions. They listen for the voicing of the Word of God in order to perform it. 

Then Jesus said to him, "Away with you, Satan! For it is written... [Mt 4:10]. Satan does not flee because your shouting, he flees when you resist him with "It is written". With the Word of God.

God bless you as you join us. Let us take charge and use our authority in Christ and pray! You are well able.

Barikiweni!

THE ANNIVERSARY OF MY FATHER'S DEATH.

On Christmas Eve 2011, my father fell ill in the morning and by 9pm, he was dead. My sis in law had traveled to meet him for the first time that day, and by the time they arrived, he was gone. It was devastating. I went into shock and couldn't eat for about 3 days. The grief was heart rending, especially because it was so sudden and so unexpected.

On Christmas Eve 2012, I had to be intentional about celebrating Christmas and not allow myself to be pulled down by the grief of the year before. I called mum just to tell her that I loved her and was thinking about her and praying for her. We talked about that Christmas Eve in 2011 as we remembered all that happened.

Fast forward to Christmas Eve 2013, 2 days ago. It hit me, at some point in the night that it was the anniversary of dads death. I had actually forgotten and was quite excitedly anticipating Christmas. I hastily called mum just to love on her and comfort her on the anniversary of her hubby's passing. She was busy doing her stuff and going on with life and SHE HAD FORGOTTEN!! Can you imagine? I was the one who kinda reminded her why I was calling. It hadn't occurred to either of us. We talked about it for a few minutes and then spoke about so many other things. There was no pain, no sadness, just glad to be celebrating another Christmas. We now can talk about dad and laugh. We remember the funny and interesting things he did and said and are so thankful for all the good that he brought into our lives.

The moral behind this story: There is no pain that exists, that God cannot heal. When a loved one passes, instead of focusing and grieving about the day of their death, celebrate and be thankful instead for all the years that they lived. You do not prove love and loyalty to that person by living in continued grief and sadness but by God's grace, moving on with strength and hope even as you hold dear their memory.

God has healed us. We are o.k. today and my prayer for you FB friend is that you experience His healing too in your life. May you allow God to heal the pains, disappointments and bitterness of the past and to free you to enjoy life again. As long as you are still here, there is still so much good to come your way. May that painful past become a vague memory. May your prison doors be open and may you truly live again. He has done it for me, He will do it for you if you let Him.

Ps 30:11 You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness...

Barikiweni!

LET MEN BE MEN!

Ladies give your husband a break. Stop judging them, criticizing them, constantly battering them with your words and crushing their egos. Stop trying to make them like you, they will never be like you. They were made from DIRT!

They are not innately suave, delicate and dainty. They do grubby things. Let them be! Many times, what you may be constantly complaining about is not illegal, unethical, immoral or even destructive.

Men, be nice to your wives. They were NOT made from dirt. They are innately delicate, refined, suave and sensitive. Stop treating them rough. Stop trying to make them like you. When you see them rough and rugged, it is often a defense mechanism created to protect their innermost being from past hurt. Treat them right and you will make them very happy and have a great marriage.

Paraphrased from P.J. Daniels

Barikiweni!

RUN JOSEPH RUN!

Sometimes the wisest cause of action is to RUN!!

Joseph did not enter into a discourse about "The dangers of extramarital affairs" with Photiphar's wife, he ran.

When the angel told Joseph [Jesus' father] that Herod was after the child, he didn't tell him to read "How to win friends and influence people" He told him to run!

When the Jews wanted to kill Paul, He did not try to win their favor by reciting the law, He ran!

On a number of occasions, when they wanted to kill Jesus, He "hid Himself and went His way" John 8:59

Some of you need to get out of the environment of those who are consistently tempting you, pressuring to do wrong or just plain trying to sabotage and destroy you. As you pray, as you regroup, as you get counsel, I decree that you know when it's time to go your way and save your life!

Sometimes the greatest faith is demonstrated through leaving!

PUT A RING ON IT!

It is a tragedy to spend so much [time, emotions, money, lyrics, romance] on the WRONG PERSON! It's heart breaking.

Be "stingy" with these heart investments until you are very sure about the person you are interested in. Let them qualify. And pliz don't spend your body on them if you are not married. It will hurt like nothing you can imagine, when you realize that they are wrong for you. God created that rule, to protect you!

You wouldn't entrust your money and your valuables to a stranger whom you have "good feelings" about, please don't expose your life and body to a person because of emotions. Be diligent in discernment.

Barikiweni

THE CONFIDENT ROMANTIC

During dinner tonight, there was a trio guitarist troupe playing music. They began playing MALAIKA and I thought; Great song but has a defeatist, poverty & victim mentality. So here's Malaika for the visionary winner that's full of faith.

Malaika, nitakuoa malaika
Malaika, nitakuoa malaika
Najua nitafanyaje kijana mwenzio
Sishindwi na mali wala we
Nitakuoa malaika!

Guys, a few things are more attractive than a confident [not arrogant], faith filled man who believes that there is a way is willing to pay the price to make it.

Barikiweni!

REMEMBER: CHRISTMAS IS NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY!

One revelation that completely changed my life many years ago, was the realization that CHRISTMAS IS NOT MY BIRTHDAY!

I got over the hang-ups of stressing about who will buy ME a gift, who will invite ME for a party, who will send ME a card, what will WE cook, How will I make MY hair, what will WE wear...

It is a proven fact that most suicides and depressions peak at Christmas time. People get very introspective, lonely and self focused in a way that can be very detrimental at this time. The financial pressure is extreme for many and broken family relationships are also highlighted as everyone else seems to go home to be with their families. Be wise and remove the rampant selfishness from your Christmas celebrations. Also, don't allow yourself to be wooed and trapped into the mindless spending that gets many regretting and seriously struggling through the month of January.

Use this time instead to love others. You be the one giving and reaching out. Spend time with those you love. Really listen to them and be an encouragement. Don't just focus on food and stuff. This way, you will not be lonely or stressed because your focus is on being a blessing. In fact if you know Bible History very well, you probably know that it's not even Christ's accurate birthday. A lot of the hullabaloo is simply commercial. Turn it around and maximize being there and ministering the love of God to your family and friends.

Barikiweni!

THE END OF THE YEAR!

The end of a matter is better than the beginning. - Ecclesiastes 7:8

May this final month of the year be better than the rest that you have had. Instead of resigning and simply looking forward to another year, keep expecting good things and answers to prayer, to manifest within this year. It's not over, till it's over. May every blessing, every open door, every opportunity, every divine connection, every harvest, every advantage and every progress that you were to experience this year manifest NOW in Jesus' name.

May God crown your year with His goodness and cause your paths to drip with abundance - Ps 65:11

WHEN A LEADER IS CHOSEN BY GOD

David was chosen and Elisha was chosen, but Judas and Saul were also chosen! 

It is a great privilege to be chosen, but it is also a great responsibility before God!

God chose David because he was a man after His own heart and would be instrumental in blessing and promoting Israel.

God chose an idol worshiping heathen king Cyrus to lead an empire because He knew that Cyrus would have the clout, resources and heart to help to rebuild Jerusalem.

God also chose Nebuchadnezzar because He needed to punish Israel. And when that job was done, He punished Nebuchadnezzar for his own wickedness.

God chose Saul because Israel asked for a king. Saul had to make the choice as to whether he would be a good king or a bad king. After his bad choices, the Spirit of the Lord left him and he was tormented by an evil spirit.

Lessons:
1. Being chosen by God is not necessarily a sign of complete endorsement or approval of one's character. It is only the hint of a pending assignment for the nation that one must accomplish.

2. Every leader has the choice to be a blessing and not a curse to the nation. By our prayers as believers, we empower them to do good and not to harm the nation. We cannot stop praying.

3. When God judges a king, he can spare the nation. Nebuchadnezzar ate grass alone when he was judged; not with the whole of Babylon. Pray that if the leaders make mistakes, God would have mercy on them and help them to repent and correct those mistakes: but if He must deal with them, that Kenya would not go down with any leader. It is God's mercy that preserves nations.

As someone said. "The well being of the nation, is determined by those who will govern it on their knees".
 
May we not be those who dig holes in our only ship. May we take the opportunity and build Kenya wisely.


God bless you and God bless Kenya. 


SEEK the peace and prosperity of the city [nation]... PRAY to the Lord for it, for if it prospers, you too will prosper. Jeremiah 29:7

KENYA - THE END OF AN ERA!

No matter how much Israel develops and progresses, the people still identify themselves as sons of their fathers: Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. It is a wise generation that recognizes and appreciates the value of founders and pillars who contributed to the greatness that it enjoys. Even if they are no longer needed, even if the things that they fought for are no longer relevant and even if the current generation successfully moves on without them, fathers deserve honor because at one time, they mattered.

With a certain level of contemplation, I recognize the SHIFT that has been officially sealed in our nation today. The baton has been passed down from fathers to the current generation of leaders. I believe we are seeing the end of the leadership of our fathers' generation. It is a somewhat solemn and sad moment when you recognize the closure of an era. As we say "goodbye" to past heroes and greats that must now take a back seat and allow the nation to move on as they enter their sunset years. Many faces that we grew familiar with in our youth, that have brought us this far.

At the the same time it promising and exciting as the young crop of leaders gets their chance to take us forward in a way that only they can. It's promising to have leaders who think differently now. Who understand our world better. Who are in touch with the perceptions and expectations of the young generation of today. The possibilities seem endless. I pray that they will honor and respect the fathers who've gone ahead of them. That they will learn from their mistakes and triumphs. That they will replicate the good and shun the bad. That they will be humble enough even to receive counsel as they realize that others have stood where they now stand and know that it is no easy task!

May this generation of leaders take Kenya higher and further, by God's grace and wisdom. I pray that our new government will be remembered, like DAVID, for being catalysts of  positive development and national pride and not like REHOBOAM who became the mark of the beginning of the deterioration of the nation.

We prayed a lot before and during the election and we can't say enough thank you's to God for sustaining us peacefully thus far. But we must pray even more earnestly now. As the elected take office, as policies are laid down, as more leaders are nominated and foundations of a new era are set. We thank the Lord that though the transition was bumpy, we've made it through! We celebrate the beginning of a NEW DAY for this nation. May God indeed help us. May God bless Kenya.

IS YOUR FUTURE TRICKLING IN UNNOTICED?

"If you cannot plan your day, you cannot plan your life." Dr Mike Murdock

If you dream about the future but have disregarded today, you have failed to realize that YOUR FUTURE IS TRICKLING IN ONE DAY AT A TIME and you have failed to recognize it because, in your mind, you have pushed it far into the days ahead.

Take your daily schedule seriously: Your daily prayers, your daily faith decrees, your daily time with your spouse, your daily time with your children, your daily exercise, your daily work, your daily business, your daily savings, your daily disciplines.

Champions are those who take the opportunity daily, to do things that others relegate to when they are "inspired". What are you going to do today to create the future that you desire in that area that has been bothering you?

I pray that by God's grace you will dare to be disciplined. You dare to practice daily, what will change your life for good, forever. I pray that you do the daily things that will produce the future that you want. May your days not be wasted. May you not spend years dreaming but never attaining. May you HANDLE the dream that God has put in your heart.

Lu 11:3 Give us day by day our DAILY bread.

Lu 9:23 "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross DAILY and follow Me.

Lu 19:47 And He was teaching DAILY in the temple.

Ac 17:11 These were more fair-minded than those in Thessalonica, ... searched the Scriptures DAILY to find out whether these things were so.

Have a blessed day! You are well able to attain God's greatness for you, one day at a time.

TRIBE IS OVERRATED

If your child is sick and needs treatment, who will treat him/her? Your tribe or the doctors?

If you need public transport to go for your important appointments, who will drive you? Your tribe or the drivers?

If you are a worker, still claiming your dues from the government, who will demonstrate with you? Your tribe or your fellow workers?

If you are a student getting an education, who will lecture you? Your tribe or your lecturers?

If you are a policeman fighting crime, who will cover you? Your tribe or your fellow policemen?

If you need supplies from the supermarket, who will supply them, your tribe or business men?

If thugs attack your house and you need help, who will assist you? Your tribe or your neighbors?

Though very important, TRIBE IS OFTEN OVERRATED!

Don't sabotage your life by burning bridges and destroying crucial relationships because of tribe.

BETTER IS A NEIGHBOR NEARBY THAN A BROTHER FAR AWAY: PROVERBS 27:10

Goodnight Kenya. Please appreciate the gift of diverse people that God has placed all around you to be a blessing to you!

SPIRIT POWER

By faith, even Sarah herself, when she was BARREN received power to conceive offspring, even though she was PAST THE AGE, since she considered that the One who had promised was faithful. Hebrews 11:11

SOUL IS STRONGER THAN BODY. Even the doctors concur. If you have the will power to make it or to get well, you will. If you stay encouraged and refuse to despair, you will overcome. If you believe that you can't, you won't.

But going beyond that: SPIRIT IS STRONGER THAN SOUL. Faith will enable you to achieve the impossible. To go beyond sheer will power and psyche. Sarah was a has been and a gone case. She was justifiably so written off that her trouble became her name: "The barren one" [Lk 1:36]. Through faith, not will power, the barren one became the mother of many nations. Faith is the supernaturally empowered confidence in the Word of God.

May you prioritize and feed your spirit all the time. Read the word and pray. Live out of resources that are deeper than all human ability put together. Fortify your life with the power that defies and overcomes the impossible.

You are a spirit, you have a soul and you live in a body. Strengthen your spirit. Refuse to live below God's potential for you.

Barikiweni!

KEEP YOUR VINEYARD!

They made me the keeper of the vineyards; but my [own] vineyard I have not kept. Songs 1:6

Beware of spending your life building others, while neglecting yourself and your loved ones. Sometimes, the need to be loved and appreciated makes us go overboard in helping others, while we hurt ourselves.

Dear Mr generous, as you are busy helping and bailing out all sorts of people, are you depleting your own family?

Employee, as you give your best years to making a lot of money, predominantly for your employer, when will you begin to make some money for yourself?Mr Charming: As you open doors and run errands for other ladies, who is doing the same for your wife?
Secretary of the year: As you serve your boss exceptionally well, do you do the same for your own husband?
Mentor, as you are busy raising others, who is raising your own children?

Minister, as you raise others in the faith, how is your own walk with God doing?

Miss nice, as you give time to all the people's demands, are your own responsibilities suffering?

Fiery Evangelist, as you win the world to Jesus, who is winning your family?

Be wise. If necessary, reset your priorities and take good care of your vineyards. You will be accountable to God for them.

Barikiweni!

IS IT TIME TO END THAT RELATIONSHIP

When the horse is dead, it's time to dismount. Stop flogging the dead relationship.

For lack of discernment, some people waste years insisting on a relationship with a person who does not share their passion and commitment. In the name of loyalty, people fail to end obviously dead relationships. Some struggle on in relationships that have become a pain and a burden.

This article is to help people in such situations. The one guessing whether or not they are still loved and the one who is stringing someone along even though they know in their hears that they no longer desire to continue in that relationship.

The dating period is ideally for getting to know the person that you would want to spend the rest of your life with. It is possible, that after you get to know the person, you realize that they are not what you desire. It is not sin. It's just a fact.

As long as you are genuine, you are not playing with a person's heart and you are not a chronic dater, jumping from one relationship to another, don't crucify yourself if it happens to you.Don't condemn yourself as a failure if you discover that you are in a wrong relationship. This is why it is foolish to do anything binding during the dating years e.g. having sex, buying property together or being surety for each others loans. It is premature and unwise. Don't make permanent decisions when a relationship is still temporary.

By all means, don't stay just because you are too embarrassed to admit that you have made a mistake.Someone once said, "If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging". Stop making it worse. Stop trying to revive what God Himself may be killing. There is a time to embrace and a time to let go.[Ecclesiastes 3:5]

People are often told DON'T QUIT! But I say to you, quit! Quit if it gets you back into the will of God. Quit if it ends a toxic relationship. Quit when you realize you were on the wrong road. Quit if it makes things right and gets you back on track.

Marriage is for destiny. If you realize that you are going nowhere as a couple, do each other a favor and end it.Release each other with dignity and move on to fulfill God's will and to eventually connect with your destiny partner.

Let me clarify here that I am addressing singles. I don't see anywhere in scripture where God allows married couples to easily separate because of "irreconcilable differences" and to move on. God is very serious about the permanence of marriage.

Maybe you are scared that people will talk. So what if they do? Watasema watachoka, kisha watalala :-). Maybe you re scared because your family will be disappointed. Remember, you are marrying for you, not for your family. You are the one who gets to spend the rest of your life with this person.

Maybe you are scared of getting embarrassed. That 's pride. Get over it, get embarrassed and then get on the right path. Embarrassment never killed anybody. A mature person is willing to face the embarrassment , take ownership of their mistakes and make corrections. It will be more embarrassing if you stay together, waste years of marriage together and then have a messy divorce with children involved. Learn from it and move on. Become wiser and better from it otherwise you are doomed to repeat the same cycle.


Remember singles, you have the privilege of choice.To waste that choice on someone who is obviously wrong for you or who does not have the same conviction about the relationship as you do, is tragic indeed. That would be acting like Herod's daughter who could have had anything she wanted, up to half the kingdom but ended up with the head of John the Baptist.  Nkest!!

Here are some pointers to help you analyze whether your relationship is dying or dead. We aren't addressing obvious  signs like cheating, violence, dating unbelievers e.t.c.. We are talking about the more subtle signs. Gentle pointers that highlight the death of a relationship.


1. THE LINE IS DEAD
When a person is excited about you, they want to communicate with you as often as possible. They will call, tweet, text, facebook; whatever it takes, just to hear from you and to commune with you. When the line from the other end seems dead, something is wrong. Scrutinize your communication. Are you the constant initiator? Do they ever bother? Is your excitement one sided? Value yourself. You also deserve to be longingly anticipated.

2. THE MISSING FOLLOW UP
When a person asks you out and goes out with you, they will usually communicate and let you know what a good time they had. If they don't follow up the date with any communication, maybe they didn't enjoy it as much as you did. If you are still waiting after a week, two weeks, a month, several months and they don't say anything, they are probably not going to communicate. If you are the only one being superfluous with gratitude about the date, the excitement is lopsided. It seems the pleasure was all yours!

Ladies, a man who is excited about you will not stay silent for days, weeks and months on end after a date. He may be a gentleman and may be playing polite but the truth is, he's just not that interested. Don't keep checking  why he hasn't called you back. Don't nag somebody for feedback. Move on. You will find someone who loves you the way you desire to be loved. Remember, you were not created to be tolerated. Let dignity guard you! Dignity is the awareness that you also deserve honor!

3.  THE BOTTOM OF THE LIST
One undeniable result of passion is pursuit. When you are passionate about something, you create time for it and you prioritize it. When a person no longer prioritizes your dates, postpones them for flimsy reasons or seems relieved when something else comes up, they are telling you something. When your requests to meet are met with excuses, excuses, excuses like; "I had to work late, I need to do something, my mum sent me to shaggs, I had homework", they are avoiding you. A person in love with you cannot get enough of being with you.

When you are relegated to the bottom of the priority list the relationship is dying. When you are being endured,  it is a bad sign. Don't insist, read the signs. Maya Angelous said "When people show you who they are, believe them". Many people who have wasted time waiting for someone, simply ignored the obvious signs that were presented before them. It's called denial.

If he/she constantly comes late for dates, because they'd rather be doing something else more interesting,  it's a burning bush signal to you. If they begin to postpone dates, the burning bush is now talking. If they don't show up for dates and never say a word, the bush is now shouting while running round in circles. Someone is definitely missing the screaming signs.

4. THE THIRD PARTY
Relationships are for two, but as I read on a flier recently, some people don't know how to count. When there's a third person competing for your loved one, and he/she is allowing it, it's time for a relationship review. When your boy/girl friend seems so taken and in awe of another person, it is a red flag. When they would rather do anything for that person but you seem to have to beg, write a petition and a thesis justifying what you are asking for, you are no longer their number one. You have become a contingency plan, an option, a has been. You were "now showing" but you have been overtaken. Watch out, "coming soon" is round the corner.

Also, when your loved one is completely unmoved if someone else is interested in you, they are over you. Even God is jealous for His own. When someone doesn't seem to care whether or not a third party has their sights on you, they have removed themselves from that equation. It doesn't matter any more to them whether you go or stay.

When he/she would rather be with their buddies rather than you, the relationship is dead.

5. THE CLANDESTINE POSITION
When a person is sure that they want to spend the rest of their life with you, they introduce you to their close friends and family. They will want you to meet the people that matter to them. Beware of the person who hides you. Who will not be seen with you in public. Whose family has never heard of you and who keeps downplaying the "meet and greet". It is a strong indication that you are not that important to them.

If you were dating and then suddenly you are the only one  introducing them as your boy/girlfriend, something is wrong. If they introduce you as their neighbor, friend or prayer partner and seem not to call you girl/boyfriend anymore, they are over you.

Just to clarify something here; Never assume that you are dating someone. It doesn't matter how many dates you have gone for, you have to agree when you are "officially" boyfriend and girl/friend. If this had happened but the person now struggles to introduce you as such; they are either embarrassed about you or not convinced in their heart about you.

6.  THE SLOW IT DOWN PLEA
Passion can be impatient. When a person is excited about something, they want it now! It doesn't ever seem to happen fast enough. That is why, when the person you are dating begins to talk in terms of slowing things down, they are sending a message. They are easing you off. They want to gently back off from you. I'm not talking about a genuine request to figure out whether or not they are ready. I'm talking about someone who just wants more "SPACE" away from you. Don't make it more awkward by asking " Can I call you after space period is over"? Get the message.

Honorable people are straight forward and honest in a polite and loving way. Unfortunately, not everyone is honorable in relationships. It's a sad thing when you find yourself with someone who doesn't have the backbone to tell you that they don't think the relationship is going anywhere. Someone who strings you along and keeps you frustrated and wondering.

What is worse, is allowing yourself to be stringed along. What is sad is ignoring the signs and insisting that all is well. Do yourself a favor, dismount! That horse is long gone.

Don't get bitter and vindictive. Clarify their position, release them and trust God NEVER to end up in such a situation again. I often say "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me".

By God's grace and wisdom, you will find the right and the best person for you.Don't delay the entrance of that person into your life by holding on to time wasting relationships.

If you are the person who knows that you are no longer interested, stop stringing someone along. Man up. Be honest and gracious and let them know. Don't waste anybody's time. It is not merciful. It is actually very cruel.

I decree that you have wisdom.You will marry well in Jesus Name!

DON'T GET MARRIED IF...

If you're not ready to delay gratification when your are angry. To hold your tongue, lower your voice and sometimes wait till the appropriate time, day or even month before you can deal with an issue thoroughly.... don't get married. Immaturity is the inability to delay gratification. Marriage is for the mature.

If you're not ready to leave center stage and allow someone else to become your focus, your study, your muse... don't get married. Selfish people make very bad spouses. In marriage you don't lose yourself but your heart has to be big enough to gain someone else. And soon, with God's blessing: little, crying, diaper soiling, demanding little ones are coming!

If you are not ready, to stand up and calmly deal with meddling in laws as a united front: The opinionated sister, the insensitive uncle, the domineering father, the manner less brother, the nosy aunt..... don't get married. Boundaries do not exist automatically, they must be created. A good spouse is committed to respectfully stand up for and protect their marriage from meddling relatives. Don't abandon your spouse to your relatives. It's betrayal.

If you are not ready to pay bills.... don't get married. Love does not pay bills. Kenya power will not give a waiver because your love is O so strong and your gazes at each other, O so romantic.

If you are not ready to let go of your opposite sex "best friends" and invest that into your spouse. To like, to laugh, to play, to be silly and to enjoy life with them, above anyone else... don't get married. Affairs happen because people did not marry their best friends. Someone else holds their heart. Someone else gets them better. Someone else inspires them more. Marry your best friend and cultivate your friendship so that you remain best friends.

If you are not ready to stop competing with the Joneses.... don't get married. Let the Joneses buy their yatch when you are still walking, and enjoy the walk. Your journeys are different. They may have to cross the oceans but you may be going through the road route. A boat might not do you any good on your journey. You must be ready to pace yourselves: stop competing, stop spending your future before you get there, stop the debt, stop trying to impress people. You must be able to be content. To enjoy your journey without deciding your happiness simply by measuring your progress against other people.

If you are not ready to be an open book. To tell the whole story of your past, deal with the memories, expose the failures and risk rejection.... don't get married. It is fraud to have someone sign off their life to you without the full details. The past is a touchy and demanding friend. It always shows up in the marriage. It doesn't enjoy being ignored and the more you snob, the bolder it becomes and the more tantrums it throws. It will mess up the "neat" and "all together lovely" image that you are struggling to maintain.

If you are not ready to let go of your philandering and wild oats farming.... don't get married. Don't take somebody's son or daughter and subject them to your germs, your indiscretions and your chips fungaz. It never ends well. It's romanticized in the movies, it's being fronted as the only "realistic" way to stay married and keep the fire burning. But truth be told, the only thing that the fire will burn will be you, your spouse and your children. That family will burn for generations in bitterness, disease, fear, failure, hatred, broken hearts, broken dreams and conniving.

Finally, if you are not ready to let go of the adrenalin rush ofa risque life and to settle down.... don't get married. The great  Colombus [who we were told "discovered" America, Have you ever wondered if the Native Indians who were in it, knew that it existed :-)] had a diary that was long sought for. People wanted to read about the wild journeys, the sea tempest, the reckless pirates they fought, the death and the danger they must have encountered. When it was found, there was great disappointment. Majority of the pages simply had 5 words: "This day, we sailed on.".

Marriage, like life in general, has many "we sail on" days. You have to learn to find the thrill in the normal everydayness of it. If you depend on wild romance, all night sex [ha], romantic cruises, wild parties, compulsive moves across continents, tempestuous fights and make up sessions to be happy, you may be disappointed. You have to learn to thrill in gentle smiles, loving hugs, knowing looks, cozy moments, shared chores, cute babies, everyday work, dreaming together, praying together and simply living together. If these things are not thrilling, exciting and satisfying, you will look for a way out. The "boom twaff" moments are still there, but they are normally punctuations to the usualness of living. They cannot be your reason for getting married. They are unsustainable on an every day basis. The one you choose  must be thrilling to you even in the most mundane of moments.

I pray this helps someone. Remember singles, YOU HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF CHOICE. Never let anyone pressure you into marriage. You are either ready or you're not: You decide!. But please don't marry somebody and then punish them to live with your childish ways for the rest of their lives :-). A childish baby is cute but a childish adult is extremely frustrating.

Marriage is for the mature and in many ways, we the married, are still being confronted with the demand to grow up day by day. If you are not ready for that demand, don't get married!!!!

Barikiweni.

BY PASTOR JUDY KARANJA